So I hinted at a time when I did something incredibly stupid one winter, a few articles ago... ya know, as opposed to those days when I didn't do something incredibly stupid. Sadly, much of the details leading up to exactly why I chose to perform the ridiculous act remain shrouded in my memories, but I suspect it had something to do with a silly dare, a possible double dare, and even the dreaded double Dog dare. You see, arguing with peer pressure when a double Dog dare is in play is futile at best. So I'm assuming this was the case, but I can't be entirely sure.
But here's what went down, regardless of the hows and -most importantly- the why's. It was definitely the dead of an incredibly cold winter, I guess it could have been 1978, but I was only four and likely not on a bus. So, I'm guessing it was '80 or so. Anyway, as you likely know, the windows of buses are framed by steel. Cold, hard, unforgiving steel... I think you can maybe see where this is going.
The day was cold; frigid even. We were on our way home from school, and it was definitely cold enough that the heaters on the bus couldn't keep up, and we could see our breath huffing out like thirty little steam engines. I noticed that the metal window frames weren't just cold, but completely frozen over with a layer of white frost. I looked around -possibly bowing to a dare, as I said- wet my lips, and stuck my tongue right to it. Yeah, yeah, I know: germs. Do you really think I was even remotely concerned with germs? I wanted to taste that metal! Oh, but guess what?
If you said my tongue stuck, much like that kid from Christmas Story... you'd be right. And it did a shade more than just stick, fellow readers: it stuck FAST. Now, normally, just letting your tongue warm for a second is enough to detach it from whatever it's adhered to. But I panicked. And rather than relax and just let it come to mouth temperature... I yanked it right off. Can you guess what happened next?
Gore. Oodles and oodles of red, gushing, gore. Yup, I removed the entire top of my tongue. Well, the layer that has all those useful taste buds, anyway. Yeah, I left a nice juicy piece of myself all over that bus window frame, that's for sure. I was bleeding pretty profusely, as you can imagine- especially if you've ever bitten your tongue. I ran off the bus, down the street, and into my house drooling and hemorrhaging all over my coat. The only thing I remember next is my mom mopping out my mouth.
Oh, and yes, taste buds do grow back and the tongue -as the strongest muscle in the body- heals pretty quickly. And I've only licked two or three bus windows since. I swear.
But here's what went down, regardless of the hows and -most importantly- the why's. It was definitely the dead of an incredibly cold winter, I guess it could have been 1978, but I was only four and likely not on a bus. So, I'm guessing it was '80 or so. Anyway, as you likely know, the windows of buses are framed by steel. Cold, hard, unforgiving steel... I think you can maybe see where this is going.
The day was cold; frigid even. We were on our way home from school, and it was definitely cold enough that the heaters on the bus couldn't keep up, and we could see our breath huffing out like thirty little steam engines. I noticed that the metal window frames weren't just cold, but completely frozen over with a layer of white frost. I looked around -possibly bowing to a dare, as I said- wet my lips, and stuck my tongue right to it. Yeah, yeah, I know: germs. Do you really think I was even remotely concerned with germs? I wanted to taste that metal! Oh, but guess what?
If you said my tongue stuck, much like that kid from Christmas Story... you'd be right. And it did a shade more than just stick, fellow readers: it stuck FAST. Now, normally, just letting your tongue warm for a second is enough to detach it from whatever it's adhered to. But I panicked. And rather than relax and just let it come to mouth temperature... I yanked it right off. Can you guess what happened next?
Gore. Oodles and oodles of red, gushing, gore. Yup, I removed the entire top of my tongue. Well, the layer that has all those useful taste buds, anyway. Yeah, I left a nice juicy piece of myself all over that bus window frame, that's for sure. I was bleeding pretty profusely, as you can imagine- especially if you've ever bitten your tongue. I ran off the bus, down the street, and into my house drooling and hemorrhaging all over my coat. The only thing I remember next is my mom mopping out my mouth.
Oh, and yes, taste buds do grow back and the tongue -as the strongest muscle in the body- heals pretty quickly. And I've only licked two or three bus windows since. I swear.
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